Usually I dedicate my blog entries to beginning writers. Today I want to address those who put up with writers–spouses, children, parents, co-workers, and friends.
Before we discuss what to do about your writer infestation, let’s explore how to recognize you have one. At first glance, this may seem difficult to determine. After all, writers look just like normal people, for the most part. Writers have a wide distribution, having been seen on every continent, in every country. They live wherever people live, often in houses or apartments right alongside normal people.
However, writers have certain characteristics that give themselves away as a completely different species. First, they engage in the “writing” behavior, often for many hours on end. This is a solitary activity which does not usually annoy others. They may go without food or drink while writing, or may consume these in great quantities. This characteristic has been shown to vary from writer to writer.
On those occasions when writers are not writing, and instead interact with people, their behavior is unique to their species. Often, for example, a writer will appear to be attentive and interested in a discussion, but in fact is merely observing and noting ideas about language and gestures for some future story. The writer may not be hearing the person at all. Many people have noted writers who seem lost in thought as if they inhabit a world of their own creation. In conversation, writers may express thoughts similar to the following:
- “That’s a good idea. I can use that in my next story.”
- “I have a character just like her in one of my novels.”
- “Let me read something to you; tell me honestly what you think.”
- “The script for that TV show (or movie, or TV ad, or radio ad) is terrible. I could do better.”
You may have had some bad experiences while dealing with one of these writers in your life. You might have tried interrupting the writer in the act of writing, with unfortunate results. You’ve probably been bored on many occasions when the writer talked to you about some aspect of writing. You might even have been interested at one point about this writing behavior, but experience has taught you not to ask or show any curiosity. You may have developed a fear that the writer might make you a character in a story. You may have wondered why the writer occasionally seeks out the company of other writers, at such events as “conferences,” “critique groups,” or “writing courses.”
These are all normal reactions that occur when interacting with writers. So far none have been shown to have long-term negative effects on people. Your exposure to a writer should not prevent you from living a nearly normal life.
What should you do if you find yourself in the company of a writer? Escape may not be possible, particularly if you have made a marital promise to the writer, or the writer is one of your parents or children. My advice in such cases is to focus on the positive–look for the good or endearing qualities of the writer (if any) and cherish those. It’s usually best not to express any curiosity about the writer’s stories; instead encourage the writer to seek the company of other writers. Only another writer can truly understand a writer.
As mentioned above, try to avoid interrupting a writer engaged in writing. Writers can be angry and aggressive when aroused; they exhibit typical territorial behaviors. Sometimes such interruptions cannot be avoided however, such as when a person needs a writer to perform some non-writing domestic duty–taking out garbage, making a meal, cleaning a room, mowing a lawn, etc. At such times, if you know the writer’s favorite author, you can state that “Even [insert Great Author] didn’t write all the time. Please take a little time to [insert necessary non-writing activity.]” Alternatively, you can suggest that it’s time the writer does some real-world research. You might have to get creative with that one because after the first time even a writer will not view mowing the lawn as research.
It’s my hope that you can manage to tolerate or even enjoy the relationship with the writer in your life, despite the difficulties and differences. Even today, science has much to learn about this rare and fascinating species. If you have encountered one and observed traits not mentioned here, please leave a comment. It’s in the interest of science. Always interested in scientific advancement, I’m —
Poseidon’s Scribe
