Style - Steven R. Southard (Poseidon's Scribe)

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To Do, Or Be Done To?

That is the question. Today I’ll cover one of my pet peeves—passive sentence construction, as contrasted with the active version.

Defining these types is easy. In active sentence construction (also called ‘active voice’) the subject of the sentence performs the action described by the verb. In passive construction, the subject is the recipient of the action.

For example, here are two sentences from a recent story of mine:

Doctor Rudolph Wellburn looked up from his workbench as Red dragged the trampled man through his door.

The man had been bound with ropes to three tree limbs lashed together.

In the first, the subject is the doctor, Wellburn, and the verb is looked. There’s another clause with its subject Red and verb dragged. Both are active, since the subject is performing the action. In the second sentence, which is passive, the subject man has had an action done to him, described by the ‘had been bound’ verb.

It’s possible to convert sentences back and forth between the two voices. I could have phrased the first sentence as “The workbench was looked up from by Doctor Rudolph Wellburn as…” I also could have worded the second sentence as “Red had bound the man with ropes…” I’ll soon reveal why I didn’t do that.

I think of active sentences as direct, honest, and clear. They also seem stronger to me. Passive sentences, with their ability to hide the subject entirely, seem dishonest, confusing, and weak. Needless to say, I prefer active sentences. At my workplace many others write in passive sentences, so I’m on a one-man crusade to change all that. Change has to start somewhere!

Ulysses S Grant - mistakes were made Among the worst passive sentences ever written is “Mistakes were made.” Politicians since Ulysses S. Grant have used that one to acknowledge a problem but to hide the responsible party from blame. However, the press and the public are on to that tactic, and would pounce on any official who uttered it (after laughing out loud).

By now you’re wondering why Poseidon’s Scribe has stated a firm bias against passive sentences, and yet used one in a recent story. There are several valid reasons for using passive sentences:

1. The doer of the action is unknown, unwanted, or unneeded in the sentence.

2. The action of the sentence needs more emphasis or focus than the doer of the action.

3. Sentence variety.

4. Putting the subject at the end of the sentence can delay its impact to achieve surprise or humor.

I chose a passive sentence in my story for reason 1, since the identity of the person who bound the man to the tree limbs was unimportant to the story. Police reports use passive sentences when the person who committed the crime is unknown. Scientists often use passive sentences for reason 2, to emphasize the experiment, not the experimenter, and to sound more objective.

But in your fiction writing I advocate sticking to active sentences as much as you can. Weed out passive ones, and make each one defend its place in your story. Remember, passive sentences are easier to write and you can fall into the habit of favoring them unless you make the effort to avoid them.

Am I being too harsh on passive sentences? Leave a comment and let me know. I’m not infallible, after all, but I’m not too proud to admit that mistakes were made by—

Poseidon’s Scribe

P.S. Be sure to check this space on Wednesday, December 19. I’ll be participating in a blog hop called The Next Big Thing. You wouldn’t want to miss the next big thing, would you?

P.S.

December 16, 2012Poseidon's ScribePermalink

Rules Writers Break

In the movie “Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl,” several pirate characters throughout the movie mention the Pirate Code in reverent tones. Late in the film, Captain Barbossa reveals, “the Code is more what you’d call ‘guidelines’ than actual rules.”

Today I’ll discuss writing rules your grade school teachers taught you, and whether following them is something you must do, or should do. When teaching young children, it is often best to give them black-and-white rule sets. That’s a lot easier to understand than wishy-washy grayness, the actual messiness of the real world.

However, if you aim to be a writer of fiction for the modern marketplace, it’s time to let go of some of those rules. If, as you write, your mind’s eye sees your teacher from long ago admonishing you to follow one of the rules below, try deliberately violating the rule even as your teacher watches. Steady practice at this should make the visions of your teacher go away.

Always use complete sentences. Not only did your teacher tell you that one, but word processing software often alerts you when you’ve created a sentence fragment. It’s fine as a general rule, but there are times when your story requires a sentence or thought to be emphasized, to stand out. An occasional fragment is okay when used deliberately for such a purpose.
Don’t begin sentences with ‘And’ or ‘But.’ Your teacher might have extended this rule to all connecting words—conjunctions—which also include ‘or’ and ‘yet.’ Traditional English sentences require that such words, when used, connect two clauses. Again, if your second clause needs special emphasis, go ahead and set it apart with a separate sentence. But remember to use conjunctions properly when you do, according to their meanings.
Never end a sentence with a preposition. This is an ancient rule imposed by grammarians who wanted to make English more like Latin. The rule is long discredited now, or should be. No one buried it with more flare than Winston Churchill when he wrote, “This is the type of errant pedantry up with which I will not put.”
Always use proper paragraph form. By this your teacher meant paragraphs should have topic sentences, then sentences that build on or substantiate the topic sentence, and then a concluding sentence. Therefore, by that rule, you would never have a paragraph consisting of just one sentence. In fiction writing you can throw that rule out. Just tell your story. Paragraphs are useful to break up the text, to give white space so the reader catches a breath now and then. Paragraphs also help to group like thoughts together. A one-sentence paragraph now and then for emphasis is permitted.
Don’t use long sentences. Many people confuse these with run-on sentences, which are different, and it’s still a good rule not to use them. The thing about long sentences is, your reader could become lost and confused wading through all the ‘ands,’ ‘buts,’ em dashes, commas, and semicolons. Use a long sentence (over, say, forty words) if you need to, but do it for effect and make it easy to read.
Never split an infinitive. Stated differently, the rule is to never split an infinitive. This rule, too, once created controversy but the battle is pretty much over. You may now split with impunity. Go with what sounds right to you.

If you are still in grade school, follow the rules presented by your teacher, (knowing you can break some of them later when your grades are no longer at stake). For the rest of you, remember your main job as a writer of fiction is to move your reader emotionally. If the story demands it, go ahead and break some of these rules. Like the Pirate Code, they’re more what you’d call guidelines. Take it from that one-time pirate and noted rule-breaker…

Poseidon’s Scribe